When Subway runs a $5 for any foot-long campaign, it’s impossible to buy a 6″ sub. They will fight you, lettuce and tomato, until you agree to buy the footlong.
In the past, I have asked if I could simply get double meat on a half and pay for the foot-long. These efforts were met with: blank stares, dropped jaws. Since I’m trying to lose weight, I don’t want to eat the extra bread but I do want to load up on veggies and protein.
My dad suggested that I buy the foot-long and just move the meat over myself. I tried that today.
Going in, I knew that the extra fixings were large enough in quantity that I would probably need about 8″ of sandwich so I asked the sandwich artist if she could leave it a foot-long without cutting it. Being a reasonably intelligent human, I would decide how much bread I needed for the sandwich. I approached the senior citizen Sandwich Artist and attempted the impossible:
“Can we finish this off without cutting it in half?” I asked.
“No. We have to cut it!” she sighed.
“Why do we have to cut it?”
“It’s a rule” she said matter-of-factly.
I leaned in close and said, “How about you don’t cut it and we don’t tell anybody?”
She was shocked at my persistence and tried to reason with me, metal blade poised over my bread. “It is a rule. I can’t break the rules when…” she gestured with hear head to the lady putting some bread in the oven. “I don’t want to get in trouble.”
“Well lets ask her then.” I pressed.
She sighed and yelled back to the manager. “Hey Martha! He don’t want me to cut this sandwich. Don’t I gotta cut it or something?!”
Martha was able to find some brain cells to rub together after making facial gestures that indicated that she had a crazy customer on her hands. She said, “No, you don’t have to cut it. The customer is always right… even when they aren’t right…”
I could have done without the editorial comment, but I had finally won a Subway customization battle!
The veteran sandwich artist was bested by my request. She slammed the knife down and rang my food up with a huff.
Apparently skipping a step like in your sandwich making factory job is enough to throw off your entire operation. She was so messed up at not having used the knife that she picked it back up. When I handed her my credit card she started trying to cut my sandwich in half with the card and began swiping the knife through the credit card reader. When the knife wouldn’t scan she said, “It’s not working, do you have another knife?”
“Carol! Carol! CAROL! STOP IT!” The manager came running over. “Sir we don’t take knives as payment at this location. Do you have another form of payment?”
I handed the manager a ten and was soon on my way.
It turns out that the customer isn’t always right. The moving the meat over idea doesn’t work very well because the sandwich starts to fall apart. I still got it all in my mouth, but not without getting honey mustard all over my hands.