New Pop Culture Alphabet

The Military Alphabet sucks

A: Alpha
B: Bravo
C: Charlie
D: Delta
E: Echo
F: Foxtrot
G: Golf
H: Hotel
I: India
J: Juliet
K: Kilo
L: Lima
M: Mike
N: November
O: Oscar
P: Papa
Q: Quebec
R: Romeo
S: Sierra
T: Tango
U: Uniform
V: Victor
W: Whiskey
X: X-Ray
Y: Yankee
Z: Zulu

Today’s generation can’t comprehend those confusing words.  New pilots usually take 15 minutes to read off their call number to the tower because they simply can’t remember the old words associated with the letters.  What’s a Foxtrot you ask?  There’s no time to look it up when you’ve got a to land a plane or launch a missile.

It has been under-reported that a pilot was sucked out of a hole in the fuselage of a 737 on a recent Southwest flight.  The trainee copilot didn’t know how to land the plane so the head flight attendant had to take control.  Unfortunately, she didn’t know the military alphabet and they ended up landing at the wrong airport.  The flight attendant was fired for safely landing at the wrong airport. An outrage on many levels!

Had the flight attendant known the appropriate codes, she could have easily landed safely at the correct airport in San Diego.  Southwest’s pilots did not think that flight attendants could remember the military alphabet so they never taught it to them.  Fortunately there are many words in the English language that are more readily recognizable to our spastic generation.

Today the FAA and the United States Armed Forces introduced a new alphabet code to make it easier to for all civilians and officials to learn:

A: Amazon
B: Bieber
C: Coors Light
D: Double Rainbow
E: Eminem
F: Facebook
G: Google
H: Handjob
I: Ikea
J: Judge Judy
K: Katy Perry
M: Metallica
N: Netflix
P: Pandora
Q: Quickie
R: Redbox
S: Sheen
T: Twitter
U: Uggs
V: Valtrex
W: Whiskey*
X: Xbox
Y: Youtube
Z: Zumba

Had the flight attendant on Southwest Flight 812 and the tower been on the same page, the conversation may have flowed better:

Flight Attendant: This is Sheen Whiskey Amazon flight Eight One Two on route to Sheen Amazon Netflix requesting emergency landing instructions!

Tower: Eight One Two, go ahead.

Flight Attendant: Our Pilot got sucked out of the roof!  I can’t fly a plane!

Tower: No problem.  It’s just like riding a bike.  We can talk you through a landing at the nearest airport.  Set course at Two Seven Niner to land at Youtube Uggs Metallica!

Flight Attendant: Sir we can’t land in Yuma!  I have sworn duty as a flight attendant to fly these people back to San Diego!  Get me emergency instructions for Sheen Amazon Netflix, Netflix OMG Whiskey or we are Sheen Handjob Ikea Twitter in the water!

Tower: You’re talking my language.  Switch to your Bieber channel,  Squawk 7700.

Flight Attendant: Done.  If you get me through this I’ll take you out for Double Rainbow Redbox Ikea Nexflix Katy Perry Sheen and if you’re lucky we might have Sheen Eminem Xbox.

Tower: Facebook Uggs Coors Light Katy Perry Youtube Eminem Amazon Handjob!

*No changes were made to Whiskey


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