Regulate Explained

It was clear black night in East Los Angeles. Warren was on his evening stroll. “Tonight I’m going to find a new girlfriend,” he said hopefully. As he perused the dark alleys for the future Mrs. G, Warren chanced upon a dice game. Warren loved to play dice in back alleys and he asked the fellas if he could play too.

Meanwhile, Nathan was cruising around looking for his friend, Warren. This was in a time before cell phones so the only way to find Warren was to drive around aimlessly. They didn’t even have AOL or Nate would have been able to read Warren’s away message. But Nate knew Warren and his unfortunate gambling addiction so he made straight for a back alley gambling district.

Nate glanced over and noticed that a car full of girls were checking him out. Golly, they were pretty, but Nate Dogg was on a mission. The girls were trying to get his attention and lost control of their vehicle. They crashed into some cardboard boxes and the side of a building. “Bros before hoes,” he said to himself as he left the scene of the accident.

The dice gambling guys didn’t want to let Warren play dice since they already had enough players. Instead they put a gun to his head and took his gold watch and rings and used them as a part of the gambling. There, in his own town, Warren thought he was going to die as a direct result of his gambling problem in dramatic irony.

Out of nowhere Nate Dogg appeared.  Nate Dogg didn’t recognize anyone except for Warren so he shot all of them without asking questions.  He unloaded his firearm into the people that were holding up his friend.  Nate beat them 10 against 1.  It would be a story to tell his grandchildren.  Warren thanked Nate for saving his life and gold things.  They picked through the bodies until all of the jewelry was recovered.

Killing people really gets a man’s libido going so Nate and Warren went back to the car accident to see if the girls were still there. Sure enough the girls were standing there in the middle of the street assessing their injuries and damage to the car.  The car had hit the building so hard that the engine failed.  They didn’t have cell phones so they couldn’t’ text their dads or boyfriends to help.

Warren and Nate politely introduced themselves to the ladies.  Warren understood Nate’s glance that he shouldn’t mention the fact that he had ran them off the road earlier.  Should they recognize him, they might have trouble with the police.  Still, Warren thought they should probably call the police to report the accident and get an ambulance in case anyone had neck injuries.  But Nate took control of the situation and told the ladies to load into his car.  They could get their car out of the side of a building tomorrow.  Warren was upset there weren’t enough seat-belts in the car for everyone so Nate and Warren each took two ladies in their cars.  “Buckle up ladies.  Safety First!” Warren said.  On the drive over Warren wondered if one of these ladies could be he new girlfriend.

When they arrived at the motel Nate suspiciously went to the bathroom while Warren tried to entertain the ladies by himself.  Warren wanted to impress the ladies as the scholarly musician he was.  He began explaining his new found philosophy on life called G-Funk.  “The rhythm is the base and the base is the treble.” he said.  The girls started to glance at each other.  One raised her eyebrow and the other started looking at her watch.  Warren was monopolizing the conversation and the girls and were regretting accepting the ride from these strangers.

Just then, Nate Dogg bursts from the bathroom, carrying drug paraphernalia.  “Who wants weed, bitches!” he exclaimed.  The girls ran to Nate and for the third time he was the hero of the evening.

Warren reflected on the evening and he was glad to have Nate as a friend.  After a tough night of regulating he could finally relax and enjoy himself.


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