Regulate Explained

It was clear black night in East Los Angeles. Warren was on his evening stroll. “Tonight I’m going to find a new girlfriend,” he said hopefully. As he perused the dark alleys for the future Mrs. G, Warren chanced upon a dice game. Warren loved to play dice in back alleys and he asked the fellas if he could play too.

Meanwhile, Nathan was cruising around looking for his friend, Warren. This was in a time before cell phones so the only way to find Warren was to drive around aimlessly. They didn’t even have AOL or Nate would have been able to read Warren’s away message. But Nate knew Warren and his unfortunate gambling addiction so he made straight for a back alley gambling district.

Nate glanced over and noticed that a car full of girls were checking him out. Golly, they were pretty, but Nate Dogg was on a mission. The girls were trying to get his attention and lost control of their vehicle. They crashed into some cardboard boxes and the side of a building. “Bros before hoes,” he said to himself as he left the scene of the accident.

The dice gambling guys didn’t want to let Warren play dice since they already had enough players. Instead they put a gun to his head and took his gold watch and rings and used them as a part of the gambling. There, in his own town, Warren thought he was going to die as a direct result of his gambling problem in dramatic irony.

Out of nowhere Nate Dogg appeared.  Nate Dogg didn’t recognize anyone except for Warren so he shot all of them without asking questions.  He unloaded his firearm into the people that were holding up his friend.  Nate beat them 10 against 1.  It would be a story to tell his grandchildren.  Warren thanked Nate for saving his life and gold things.  They picked through the bodies until all of the jewelry was recovered.

Killing people really gets a man’s libido going so Nate and Warren went back to the car accident to see if the girls were still there. Sure enough the girls were standing there in the middle of the street assessing their injuries and damage to the car.  The car had hit the building so hard that the engine failed.  They didn’t have cell phones so they couldn’t’ text their dads or boyfriends to help.

Warren and Nate politely introduced themselves to the ladies.  Warren understood Nate’s glance that he shouldn’t mention the fact that he had ran them off the road earlier.  Should they recognize him, they might have trouble with the police.  Still, Warren thought they should probably call the police to report the accident and get an ambulance in case anyone had neck injuries.  But Nate took control of the situation and told the ladies to load into his car.  They could get their car out of the side of a building tomorrow.  Warren was upset there weren’t enough seat-belts in the car for everyone so Nate and Warren each took two ladies in their cars.  “Buckle up ladies.  Safety First!” Warren said.  On the drive over Warren wondered if one of these ladies could be he new girlfriend.

When they arrived at the motel Nate suspiciously went to the bathroom while Warren tried to entertain the ladies by himself.  Warren wanted to impress the ladies as the scholarly musician he was.  He began explaining his new found philosophy on life called G-Funk.  “The rhythm is the base and the base is the treble.” he said.  The girls started to glance at each other.  One raised her eyebrow and the other started looking at her watch.  Warren was monopolizing the conversation and the girls and were regretting accepting the ride from these strangers.

Just then, Nate Dogg bursts from the bathroom, carrying drug paraphernalia.  “Who wants weed, bitches!” he exclaimed.  The girls ran to Nate and for the third time he was the hero of the evening.

Warren reflected on the evening and he was glad to have Nate as a friend.  After a tough night of regulating he could finally relax and enjoy himself.

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My Life as Pacman

WazeIf you’re going to be driving around all day for work, you might as well make a game out of it.

I’ve been using Waze for the past few months while I drive.  Waze is a navigation and mapping game for your GPS enabled smart phone.  It gathers data based on driving habits of users to build their map network.  The fun part is that you can update real-time data such as the location of the police, traffic jams, or accidents.  If you’re wondering why traffic is backed up for 20 miles on the highway, fire up Waze and see if anyone else is on.

But that’s all boring stuff because there’s points to earn!

When I first fired up Waze in December I saw a candy cane at the four way stop down the street.  I didn’t know why, but I needed to get that candy cane.  Sitting on the couch, I zoomed out to see if anyone else was about the get that candy cane.  There was another “Wazer” about 150 miles away.  I jumped in my car at midnight to capture the candy cane before anyone else could.  When I drove over it, a message popped up on my phone saying that I had collected 500 points!  Sweet!

Since I was already about I began looking for other things to collect.  I saw a snowflake 2 miles away.  The clocked glared at me – 12:14AM.  Just a bit of time. It was a work night.

When I ran over the snowflake I found 50 points deposited to my account.  A measly 10% of my earlier score.  I see how it is, Waze, get me hooked and back off the gas pedal.  Well I was hooked and I wasn’t backing off my gas pedal.  I saw another delicious candy cane about 15 miles north in the next town surrounded by a few snowflakes.  Another Wazer could pop on at any moment and take my candy cane!  I went on.

And I went on.  When the sun began to rise I decided that I had collected enough points.  I reached for my phone and nearly burned my hands from burning up the processor all night.  The battery was nearly dead but I was the newest and fastest up and comer in the Waze community.

Just a few more miles...

Since that day I figured out Waze’s scheme.  They put down cookies (which also earn you points) all over the road to encourage you to collect GPS data for their maps.  They put down treats, (today they are cupcakes) to encourage you to drive off the beaten path to collect this extra GPS data for the less traveled areas.

So the world is now a giant Pacman game and if you so choose, you can play the star.

The normal dots only garner you a few points but far out number the treats.  I found out the hard way when I first saw a cupcake off the highway.

Not wanting lose out on see how many points a cupcake gave, I turned the wheel hard left when I was on the highway.  Some cars honked.  I jumped over the median and crashed through a fence.  When I got through a very rude person’s backyard, I pounced on the cupcake that was sitting in the road a few houses down.

As soon as I collected the cupcake, I heard that very familiar Pacman Power Pellet siren!  Then I saw 3 ghost cars coming towards me.  Stupid ghosts, their lights were flashing on top so I knew that I could eat them for points as well!  I hit the gas and ran into the closest ghost car.  I know the first ghost is like 200 points, but you get double points for each one after.  I tried to get more of the ghosts but my car wouldn’t go anymore.

People got out of the ghost cars and told me to surrender.  Crud.  My Power Pellet must have ran out.

Power Pellets don't last long enough...

It turns out that the Waze game is a little different that real life Pacman.  When you run into a flashing ghost you end up getting put into the Pacman Ghost pen for a few days before they take you to Pacman court.  I can’t wait until I get to go to Pacman court because they said they’ll give me my phone back so I can see how many Waze points I earned today!